(Don't touch. They're mine. And no not my boobs.)


Reality
Enter the world, come out, let's play
all of your smiles the rain will wash away.
You're sheltered and warm, naive to the game,
but soon we'll show you and you'll never be the same.
We'll take your heart, snap it in two,
take all your love, your hopes and dreams too.
We'll crush your soul, we'll shatter your mind,
you're outside now, and now you're mine.

-"Reality".

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Broken Song
Common sense, he has it I don't
If something goes wrong, he'll live and I won't
But that's how I want it, okay he will be,
as long as he's fine it's all that I need.

I'm not what he wanted, he'll see that someday,
all of our dreams will be scattered astray
But as long as he's living I'll force a smile,
and I'll always cherish what we had for just a while

He'll remain in my heart, a void I won't fill,
I'll wonder again why we couldn't seal the deal
I'll be forry I failed him, but he will move on
My happiness means nothing, it's just a broken song.

-"Broken Song."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
Falling

I remember them falling, the tears from my eyes,
falling with the rain that fell from the sky
With the memories we'd created, the dreams we'd built,
they sank to the ground, smothered in guilt
Blinded by grief, my heart began to wither
You begged me to stop, said you'd even reconsider.
But I shook my head, the damage was done,
We were over now, reality had won.
I was not what you wanted, there was nothing we could do,
but I know I'll never have anything as good as you.
I hope you'll be happy- this I swear
and if you ever need me, you know I'll be there
I'll keep you close, an image in my shattered heart
but I'll never regret you, and we'll never be apart.
-"Falling"

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

So, November 18th we either have to be in school, or out job shadowing. Obviously I'd prefer the latter, but I have to turn in this application by next Tuesday or no can do. :/ I'd like to go for the experience, but I just have NO Idea what I want to do. =/ I'm not really especially good at anything. I like writing, kids (love babies. Dx) food, baking, etc. But I've never done this befoer so I'm asking you more creative/more experienced peoples, if you have any suggestions.

Likes:
Writing (fictional, creative stuff)
Kids (babies )
Baking

Dislikes:
Deskwork D:
Boring stuff
Medical/Legal shit.

Ideas of my own, kind of blurry:
Part of me has always wanted to be either a flight stewardess or a counselor for kids on a cruise boat. Obviously can't shadow for the latter considering where I live, but how can you shadow being a flight stewardess? If you can at all.

Also I kind of like the idea of working in a homey little small boarding-school type thing, for kids, a relaxed little family-life kind of situation. Human services? Also I'm socially awkward with people my own age, which is why I love the babies.

I'm happier now then I've been in, well... maybe forever. I find it amazing, just three days ago I thought there was no hope and it would always get worse. Well, that was wrong. It's like all of a sudden, all of these little things (not little in my opinion, of course, but holding little relevance to the world around us) have just come together, and three people (HAY KARLES YOU'RE ONE OF DEM) have just made things so... peaceful.

I've never felt this before, it's kind of cool. A tinging in my tummy and arms, blissful numbness. Anyway! This is doing great things for my imagination - not quite returned to Fanfictions, however, in general writing is returning to me in rather large piece-by-pieces.

And so now, having ranted senselessly about my own happiness, how's everyone doing? A lot of you I want to hear from in particular - y'know, the regulars, be it long-time friends or recent ones, leave a comment.

Heading off to what I hope will be a really happy day at school (btw this has nothing to do with religion >.>, later peeps!

If I knew I had only 24 hours to live, I'd ask my mom to make sweet and sour meatballs for dinner. I'd set my writing aside with a note asking anyone to finish the stories left unspoken. I'd think about my past - my friends and crushes and enemies and habits, and looking at it now, it all seems to have been an okay childhood. I'd think about some of my family and regret the bonds I never shared with them - I'd think about the arguments I had with my parents and realize how stupid they had been on my end.

If I had just twenty four hours left to live, I would tell him I was dying - but not to see what he'd say. Just so he would know. I'd tell him it would be okay, not to worry. I'd lie and say I wasn't scared and I wanted him to finish college, live his life to the fullest, move on. I wouldn't tell him to forget me, nor would I ask to be remembered. Selfishly, I would remind him that no matter what, I loved him. Even knowing it would hurt him, I could not bear leaving with him doubting it. It is the one true fact, the base I've built my life upon. It was unconditional, and even if he didn't feel the same, nothing would change it. I'd remember when we first started talking - not the first time, the memory lost with years, but the second time in which he randomly chatted me up. I'm so glad I talked to him. I'd remember hating him before knowing that really, I was just jealous of that other. I'd remember the rage towards myself when I realized these feelings I had for who I thought was my worst enemy. And I would remember the happiness - the blissful, completely, tingling numbness I felt when he made it sound like he liked me too. I'd remember dreaming of a life with him, of our perfect little house and our not-so-romantic proposal that would have made me the most ecstatic person in the world. I would remember the tears I shed, both the happy and the mad ones. I'd remember it all.

And still, no matter how much hurt there was, no matter how many "What if"s... I will love him.

So. Trying once more to break this World of Warcraft addiction. And yes, get addicted to DA - namely roleplaying. Hey at least it's not completely rotting my brain. DX

Anyway, going to start this process by attempting a roleplay. Character description sucks and I'm relying primarily on your imagination because I suck. Will do my best. :<

Kay. Shutting up now.

Character

Name: Kelsey Castell
Age: 15
Race: Human
Gender: Female
Personality: At first glance, Kelsey comes across as a mysterious, quiet, cool-natured girl.(*) Might seem like a sad, hopeless case. Anywho, if one gets to know her, they discover a passionate, stubborn, yet mature for her age person.
Goals/Ambitions: To get out of the boring small town she lives in - and go... anywhere! She likes to fantasize. She thinks about it often and realizes there's really no reason for this, it's just how she is - the type of person that cannot grow roots. She has a loving mother and a younger brother that she loves to death, and a few close friends. But still she dreams of getting out.
History: Nothing amazing. Her parents are divorced; she lives with her mom in a small, boring town, and hardly ever speaks to her dad. A couple of times a year- her birthday and Christmas, occassionally. She has a younger brother who lives with her and her mother, he's six years old and adores her, but as much as she loves them both she still wants to get out.


(*): There is a reason for this. Should probably go in her history but... I fail. Anyway, she's quiet and has trust issues because when she first figured out she wanted to get out of her small town, she told her best friend - best friend did not approve and they cut the friendship for the sake of them both. DX

Appearance: 5'3, thin, but not anorexic-type skinny. Even though she doesn't eat much. Green eyes, mid-back length brown/orange wavy hair that she usually is too lazy to do anything with but pull into a high ponytail.


Theme Song: Not necessary, but if you want a glimpse into it, "Big City Dreams" by NeverShoutNever.
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Not good, I know. Am trying. Will try harder.